I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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