New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
