One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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