My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize