I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
