I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
