Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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