It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
