if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
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