your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
