okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
organizing the empties. That sober.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
