so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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