I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
