So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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