I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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