My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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