I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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