ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
