Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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