Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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