Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
