If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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