Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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