i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i just had sex bonerless
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
