Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
