Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
