Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
