i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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