We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
