Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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