i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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