Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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