no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Vodka?
Forever.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
