Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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