Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
she looked like the before picture.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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