The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
