mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
