I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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