are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
