walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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