yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize