Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
