I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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