As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
