I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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