hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
