and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
