Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
