he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
