When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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