youre lurking in front of me
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
