Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
