I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
