I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize