so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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