I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
