so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
