I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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