Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize