I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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