I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
