He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
