We're facebook friends in real life
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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