Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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