I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
And the cops told us we were all naked.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize