I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
