I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
